It can be hard to communicate your genuine feelings and meaningful sentiments in a sympathy note. Try incorporating some of these suggestions in your condolence message.

When expressing your condolences in a sympathy note, use words from your heart. As tempting as it may be to find and use a standard message, a personal note will be appreciated by the bereaved. Here are some tips for writing a genuine and meaningful sympathy message:

• Begin with a single sentence condolence message like “I was so saddened to hear of your loss – I can’t imagine what you are feeling or going through,” or “please accept my condolences on the loss of your ______ – you and _______ are in my thoughts.”
• Share a story about the deceased – try to mention a fond or funny memory that the bereaved can treasure.
• Include a statement that relays the message that the bereaved are not alone like “Please know, I am here for you – I’ll call you in a week, and we can talk if you’re feeling up to it.”
• Put yourself in the shoes of the bereaved – what type of messages would you appreciate? Perhaps you could include a statement like “I will never forget your mom’s smile” or “every time I visit an antique store I will think of your aunt.”
• Avoid phrases like “He’s in a better place,” or “It must have been a part of God’s plan.”
• Always double check your spelling of the deceased’s name and sign your full name.

If you’re not sure what to say to the bereaved, read our articles on the top five phrases to avoid when speaking to a griever and what to say to the grieving.

There must be something in the water in Mississippi that requires children to write endearing, yet comedic, obituaries of their parents. In March 2013 it wasHarry Weathersby Stamps and now, two months later we present the obituary of Antonia “Toni” Larroux in its entirety:

Waffle House lost a loyal customer on April 30, 2013. Antonia W. “Toni” Larroux died after a battle with multiple illnesses: lupus, rickets, scurvy, kidney disease and feline leukemia. She had previously conquered polio as a child contributing to her unusually petite ankles and the nickname “polio legs” given to her by her ex-husband, Jean F. Larroux, Jr. It should not be difficult to imagine the multiple reasons for their divorce 35+ years ago. Two children resulted from that marriage: Hayden Hoffman and Jean F. Larroux, III. Due to multiple, anonymous Mother’s Day cards which arrived each May, the children suspect there were other siblings but that has never been verified.

She is survived by the two confirmed, aforementioned children. Her favorite child, Jean III, eloped in college and married Kim Fulford who dearly loved Toni. They gave Toni three grandchildren: Jean IV, Ann Elizabeth and Hannah Grace. Toni often remarked that her son, Jean III, was “just like his father,” her ex-husband, Jean Jr., a statement that haunts her son to this day.

Hayden Hoffman married Stephen Hoffman of Charleston, WV. They reside in Bay St. Louis and carry the Larroux family torch forward through each and every Happy Hour, Mardi Gras and cocktail party. Steve’s quiet demeanor has provided ballast to an otherwise unstable family. They have two children: Charlie and Helen (the ‘well-behaved’ child Toni’s daughter, Hayden deserved to raise.)

Toni had four sisters: Patty the elder, Kitty the cook, Lisa the lawyer and Piji…the…piji. The sisters dearly loved Toni; spoke often and as one family photo proved, all preferred Clairol blonde in a box #47. They inherited their unique sense of humor from their father, Paul “P. Marvelous” White. He gave nicknames to all the girls such as “tittle mouse”, “kittycat”, “bouder bounce”, “spooker mcdougle” and “poodle pump.”

Toni previously served on the board of the Hancock County Library Foundation. Ironically, the only correspondence she has received from the library since her resignation has been overdue notices for several overdue books (a true statement.) Between ICU, dialysis and physical therapy she selfishly refused to make the time to return them. Her last words were, “tell them that the check is in the mail…” Toni retired from GE Plastics after Hurricane Katrina in 2007. She would undoubtedly cherish the thought of having the former smoking room named in her honor.

Any sendoff for Toni would not be complete without mentioning her lifelong buddy Myrtle Jane Wingo Haas and her adopted daughters Liz & Laura. She considered Aaron Burrell to be a distant grandson (not distant enough) and had the ability with family pets to usher them toward heaven at an unrivaled pace. Her favorite activity was sipping hot tea on her back porch with friends seated around her porch ensemble from Dollar General (again, not kidding.) This will be sold to the highest bidder at her garage ‘estate’ sale. Any gifts in her honor should be made to the Hancock County Library Foundation (to the overdue book fund.) 

Visitation will be held at Edmond Fahey Funeral Home in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi on Saturday, May 4th at 9:30 a.m. Her memorial service will begin at 11:00 a.m. (another true statement.) It will be led by Rev. Curt Moore of Orlando, Florida, a questionable choice for any spiritual event, but one the family felt would be appropriate due to the fact that every time Toni heard Curt preach she prayed for Jesus to return at that very moment. 

On a last but serious note, the woman who loved life and taught her children to ‘laugh at the days to come’ is now safely in the arms of Jesus and dancing at the wedding feast of the Lamb. She will be missed as a mother, friend and grandmother. Anyone wearing black will not be admitted to the memorial. She is not dead. She is alive. 

Edmond Fahey Funeral Home is in charge of the arrangements.

Source: NY Times/Legacy.com 

(h/t resistite, a fellow tumblr for the heads up)

efuneraldotcom:

Finding a way to honor and remember a loved one can bring comfort in the face of grief.

For some, when a loved one passes away, we cannot really cope with the loss until we feel we’ve appropriately honored our loved one. Here are ten ways to say goodbye, honor, and remember your loved one:

1. Plant a tree in honor of your loved one’s life. Many people have a tradition of planting a tree in celebration of a birth. I think planting a tree that blossoms every year could be a wonderful reminder of the life your loved one lived.

2. Create an online memorial page. Online memorials are special in that they can include photos, videos, poems, stories, and memories. Plus, they can be shared among friends and family members and can be modified on a regular basis. My favorite tool for easily and quickly creating an online memorial is Tackk.

3. Display a portrait or old photos of your loved one. Rather than tuck pictures away in a photo album, find a way to display them on the walls or counters of your home and office. You could even have them incorporated into your home decor and jewelry using services like Shutterfly and Snapfish.

4. Maintain your loved ones collection. Was your grandmother an avid reader with an extensive book collection? Did your significant other have an awesome stamp collection? Find a corner of your home where you can display those things that were so dear to your loved one – maybe you’ll discover that you want to keep those collections going too.

5. Keep an accessory to wear when you want to remember your loved one. Perhaps your grandfather had a watch that he wore regularly, or your mom had a special pair of earrings … hold onto those items and take them out when you want to feel closer to your loved one.

6. Frame a cherished note, garment, or other memento.  Find something that was meaningful to your loved one, and have it professionally framed. Hanging something so unique on your walls will ensure that guests ask about it and that you’ll have the chance to share memories of your loved one.

7. Place a memorial plaque in a place cherished by your loved one. Did your sister have a favorite bench at the park? Was your brother a huge fan of the orchestra or basketball team?  Have a memorial plaque placed on that site and imagine your loved one enjoying the views, sites, and sounds. And when you visit, you will again be reminded of your loved one.

8. Make annual contributions in honor of your loved one’s life and death. What a better way to remember and honor your loved one than to contribute to a charity that was dear to them? Even if it’s just $5 or $10 per year, the act of making a donation on the anniversary of your loved one’s death is very powerful.

9. Light a candle. There is a wonderful Jewish tradition of lighting a candle that burns for 24-hours each year on the anniversary of a loved one’s death. No matter your religion, this annual ritual is such a great way to keep memories of your loved one alive, and it provides a ceremonial way of acknowledging loss.

10. Paint a picture, write a song, or snap a photo. Celebrate your loved one in a way that feels comfortable and resonates with you. If you’re an artist, create an artwork in honor of your loved one. If you’re a writer, put their story down on paper through a poem, short story, song, or novel. If you’re a photographer, take pictures of your loved one’s favorite places or views.