Posts tagged life
Before your life ends, leave some final thoughts behind, a lasting goodbye
Life Is Too Short: 10 Things to Stop Tolerating
Life Is Too Short: 10 Things to Stop Tolerating
Posted: 06/11/2013 8:00 pm
Being Unhealthy. With more than two-thirds of the country overweight or obese, building a healthier lifestyle has become a critical component to balance, reigning in stress, and building resilience. If you’re part of the two-thirds, then start by making small changes. Consistent, small changes over time will add up to big results.
Inaction. People often get stuck because of fear, guilt, or simply not knowing which way to go next. In order to achieve bigger goals, take smaller steps. If you are staring down a goal that seems overwhelming, keep breaking down the goal until you can say with confidence, “Of course, that’s so easy I can get that done!”
Negativity. Given how hard the professional world is today and how often you are barraged with negative information, it’s easy to be tuned into pessimism and negativity. Fight back with humor. Early studies of humor and health showed that humor strengthened the immune system, reduced pain, and reduced stress levels. Since humor builds positive emotion, it can also help reduce feelings of anger, depression, and anxiety (McGhee, 2010). Additional research in this area shows that positive emotions predicted increases in both resilience and life satisfaction (Cohn et. al., 2009).
Disorganization. Disorganization is a barrier to productivity. If you continually say, “I don’t have time to do X,” you can get more organized by creating schedules and systems that become habitual. The business book E-Myth by Michael Gerber does a wonderful job of describing the importance of systems in the business world, and the idea is transferable to non-work situations as well. Good systems are fluid, measurable, and can and should be changed as better methods are established or as missing pieces are learned.
Chronic stress. According to a Catalyst work report, 75-90 percent of all doctor visits are for stress-related complaints. In addition, 68 percent of employees are stressed to the point of feeling extremely fatigued and out of control. Forty-four percent of employees report losing one hour or more a day in productivity due to stress. In addition, 22 percent of employees say they miss more than six work days a year due to stress. The report details that most employees feel stress in four main areas: workload levels, interpersonal issues, job security, and juggling work and personal life. In addition to the pressures of working in corporate America, many people are caring for aging parents or chronically-ill children.
Keeping up with the Joneses. It is our natural tendency to want to know how we stack up to others; it’s not enough to know our own performance, but we also want to know how we’re doing in comparison to other people. When it comes to having material possessions, people think those possessions will bring us more happiness than they actually do. According to The How of Happiness, in 1940, Americans reported being “very happy” with an average score of 7.5 out of 10. Fast forward to today, and with all of our iPods, smartphones, computers, fast cars, and an income that has more than doubled, what do you think our average happiness score is today? It’s a 7.2. Not only does materialism not bring happiness, it’s a strong predictor of unhappiness (Lyubomirsky, 2007). One study examined the attitudes of 12,000 freshman when they were 18, then measured their life-satisfaction at age 37. Those who had expressed materialistic aspirations as freshmen were less satisfied with their lives two decades later (Nickerson et al., 2003).
Thinking that perfect exists. Do you have a core value that sounds something like this: “I have to be perfect and do things perfectly?” This faulty assumption can be blamed for procrastination, lack of wanting to hear feedback from others for fear of being criticized, and the tendency to judge yourself and others by very rigid standards. Instead of aiming for perfection, which is unattainable, do as well as you possibly can and call it a day. Focus on achievement rather than perfection.
Everyone’s opinion of you. Oh the time and energy I have wasted caring about what other people thought of me. Was I wearing the right thing, did I say the right thing, did I handle that situation correctly? When I had to create a new path after I burned out, I decided to stop caring about the opinions of everyone other than a handful of key people in my life. I decided to be in charge of what I wanted and didn’t want.
A job that you hate. Over $300 billion dollars is lost annually due to disengagement in the workplace according to Gallup, and USA Today reported that only 45 percent of Americans were satisfied with their work (2010). This is the lowest level reported since the issue was first researched in 1987. If your circumstances prevent you from changing jobs now, start putting the pieces in place to transition when the time is right.
Being financially illiterate. I know the importance of saving and planning for my financial future, but I find the world of finance about as fun as a root canal. Despite that, I’ve forced myself to understand the differences between a 401(k) and a 403(b), Roth IRA’s, plain IRA’s and SEP accounts, and what exactly a no-load mutual fund is. If the world of finance isn’t your cup of tea, get some help. There are many resources out there from books to blogs to certified financial planners.
One of my favorite quotes is by Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes. He said, “Too many people die with their music still in them.” Maybe that is due in part to our tolerance of the wrong things? What would you add to this list?
—-References
Americans’ job satisfaction falls to record low. (2010, January 6). USA Today. Retrieved June 1, 2013, from http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/money/workplace/2010-01-05-job-satisfaction-use_N.htm
Catalyst (2011, July). Work stress. Retrieved June 6, 2013, fromhttp://www.catalyst.org/publication/231/work-stress
Cohn, M.A. et al. (2009). Happiness unpacked: Positive emotions increase life satisfaction by building resilience. Emotion, 9(3), 361-368.
Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). The how of happiness. A new approach to getting the life you want. New York: Penguin Books.
McGhee, P. (2010). Humor: The lighter path to resilience and health. Bloomington, IN: AuthorHouse.
Nickerson, C., Schwartz, N., Diener, E., & Kahneman, D. (2003). Zeroing on the dark size of the American dream: A closer look at the negative consequences of the goal for financial success. 14 Psychological Science, 531-536; see also, Cohen, P., & Cohen, J. (1996). Life values and adolescent mental health. Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.
Robison, J. (2010, June 9). The business case for wellbeing. Gallup Management Journal. Retrieved June 6, 2013, from http://gmj.gallup.com/content/139373/Business-Case-Wellbeing.aspx
—-Paula Davis-Laack, JD, MAPP is an internationally published author and stress and resilience expert. She has trained over a thousand professionals is skills that build stress management and resilience. Her online magazine, Build Your Strong, helps busy professionals manage stress and build strong, happy, healthy lives. Paula’s website is www.pauladavislaack.com, and you can reach her at paula@pauladavislaack.com.She is available for speaking engagements, workshops, and media opportunities.
Please connect with Paula on Twitter — @pauladavislaack
For more by Paula Davis-Laack, click here.
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Filipino man turns a two-story tomb into his family’s apartment. Lessons in cultural relativism.
(Source: youtube.com)
Death and Dying - The Good News - Obit Magazine
Death and Dying - The Good News
by Judy Bachrach
JUNE 15, 2010 TAGS:
About two decades ago, an editor I knew only too well was told that within eight months or so of diagnosis he would be dead of pancreatic cancer. I don’t want to make myself sound worse than I actually am, but I had waited for his disappearance for a very long time. For years that editor had done everything he could to bury me professionally (heh-heh), and on approaching the office in healthier days, his face, on finding me daily at my desk, invariably bore an expression of profound resignation wedded to deep regret. Naturally his actual death only took place about a year after I left the newspaper.
Still, one doesn’t like to gloat – or not out loud – so I asked a mutual friend how this editor took the news of his impending demise.
“It was amazing, he was in such a good mood,” said the friend. “He’d show up at parties and say, ‘Just think! I never have to floss again!’”
I reflect on that editor’s remark more and more these days, not so much because I admire his spunk, although I’m willing to throw him that bone. But mostly because yes, death really does have its good points. Flossing is but one, and really, in the scheme of things, pretty minor. Here are 10 big death and dying pluses guaranteed to stifle regret:
• FAMILY REUNIONS: The sister-in-law who told your husband early on he made the greatest mistake of his life when he married you? The card-carrying member of the Tea Party who lives with a guy who appears allergic to baths and is a ringer for Gomer Pyle? The cousins who for some reason your husband insists on visiting annually, with you in tow because he thinks your loathing of them is both unnatural and open to annual reassessment, and your reasons for avoiding air travel absurd? Now you have a really good excuse for staying put.
• THE TOILET THAT BACKS UP: Can’t be expected to fix it, now can you? Can’t wait around all day for the plumber either. Much less pay him.
• DIETS: Tired of hearing – from loved ones yet — snide comments about your weight? Weary of giving up salt? Fats? Sugar? Cheeseburgers, which everyone but your doctor knows are the staff of life? Being dead means you never have to push away the plate. In fact – yet more good news – you’re guaranteed to slim down.
• EXERCISE: Please. See above: You look great as you are. Also, you’re not supposed to sweat when you’re dead. It’s unseemly.
• CIGARETTES: I realize you probably won’t be doing a lot of smoking six-feet under. But let’s say you’re told you have just 10 months to live. Light up and live a little!
• DRUGS: See above. Indulge yourself. Addiction is not a problem for you.
• UNGRATEFUL OFFSPRING: Being dead here has a lot of advantages, and not just because you won’t ever have to see the little whiners again, or try to eradicate certain feelings of entitlement you’re still not sure how they acquired. I always think of wills as the true and most efficacious last lecture. Not sure why Johnny still can’t earn a living at age 40? Being cut out of your will may – who knows? – spur him to write his resume.
• TAXES: I know, I know. Taxes still have to be paid even after you’re dead. The unfairness of it all. Like death was a newly acquired ocean-view vacation home or a gleaming red Porsche – something you chose to splurge on. But look at the bright side. A) You won’t have to be the one to do the dreary tax calculations or fill out the endless forms; and B) You won’t be around to hear the shrieks of agony when all the taxes get deducted and your heirs berate you (in absentia) for careless estate planning. In fact, the best idea of all if you’re going to die is to leave everything (just like the late, tax-shy Leona Helmsley!) to your pet. Fluffy, you can be sure, never loved you for your money.
• GOSSIP: OK, I agree, once they close the coffin, you probably won’t ever again experience the pure joy of revealing to the whole universe what your best friend just told you in strictest confidence. That’s the price you pay for being dead. But think of the converse: Nobody you know (or don’t know) will ever again hear about what you’re doing. Criticism? Backstabbing? Ugly remarks about you on someone’s blog? Very unlikely. But let’s say someone is crass enough to speak or write ill of the dead – do you think you’ll honestly care?
• ENEMIES: Pissed that the creeps in your life are still hanging around? Hopeful that Hell holds an empty cell crammed with vermin for the (perversely healthy) ex-lover who jilted you? Not to worry. Life’s a race only for the living. One sure thing about the Finish Line: Everyone will get there.
Judy Bachrach, a contributing editor to Vanity Fair, is the founder of thecheckoutline.org and a regular contributor to Obit, where her Ask Judy column appears Wednesday.
“It was amazing, he was in such a good mood,” said the friend. “He’d show up at parties and say, ‘Just think! I never have to floss again!’”
I reflect on that editor’s remark more and more these days, not so much because I admire his spunk, although I’m willing to throw him that bone. But mostly because yes, death really does have its good points. Flossing is but one, and really, in the scheme of things, pretty minor. Here are 10 big death and dying pluses guaranteed to stifle regret:
• FAMILY REUNIONS: The sister-in-law who told your husband early on he made the greatest mistake of his life when he married you? The card-carrying member of the Tea Party who lives with a guy who appears allergic to baths and is a ringer for Gomer Pyle? The cousins who for some reason your husband insists on visiting annually, with you in tow because he thinks your loathing of them is both unnatural and open to annual reassessment, and your reasons for avoiding air travel absurd? Now you have a really good excuse for staying put.
• THE TOILET THAT BACKS UP: Can’t be expected to fix it, now can you? Can’t wait around all day for the plumber either. Much less pay him.
• DIETS: Tired of hearing – from loved ones yet — snide comments about your weight? Weary of giving up salt? Fats? Sugar? Cheeseburgers, which everyone but your doctor knows are the staff of life? Being dead means you never have to push away the plate. In fact – yet more good news – you’re guaranteed to slim down.
• EXERCISE: Please. See above: You look great as you are. Also, you’re not supposed to sweat when you’re dead. It’s unseemly.
• CIGARETTES: I realize you probably won’t be doing a lot of smoking six-feet under. But let’s say you’re told you have just 10 months to live. Light up and live a little!
• DRUGS: See above. Indulge yourself. Addiction is not a problem for you.• UNGRATEFUL OFFSPRING: Being dead here has a lot of advantages, and not just because you won’t ever have to see the little whiners again, or try to eradicate certain feelings of entitlement you’re still not sure how they acquired. I always think of wills as the true and most efficacious last lecture. Not sure why Johnny still can’t earn a living at age 40? Being cut out of your will may – who knows? – spur him to write his resume.
• TAXES: I know, I know. Taxes still have to be paid even after you’re dead. The unfairness of it all. Like death was a newly acquired ocean-view vacation home or a gleaming red Porsche – something you chose to splurge on. But look at the bright side. A) You won’t have to be the one to do the dreary tax calculations or fill out the endless forms; and B) You won’t be around to hear the shrieks of agony when all the taxes get deducted and your heirs berate you (in absentia) for careless estate planning. In fact, the best idea of all if you’re going to die is to leave everything (just like the late, tax-shy Leona Helmsley!) to your pet. Fluffy, you can be sure, never loved you for your money.
• GOSSIP: OK, I agree, once they close the coffin, you probably won’t ever again experience the pure joy of revealing to the whole universe what your best friend just told you in strictest confidence. That’s the price you pay for being dead. But think of the converse: Nobody you know (or don’t know) will ever again hear about what you’re doing. Criticism? Backstabbing? Ugly remarks about you on someone’s blog? Very unlikely. But let’s say someone is crass enough to speak or write ill of the dead – do you think you’ll honestly care?
• ENEMIES: Pissed that the creeps in your life are still hanging around? Hopeful that Hell holds an empty cell crammed with vermin for the (perversely healthy) ex-lover who jilted you? Not to worry. Life’s a race only for the living. One sure thing about the Finish Line: Everyone will get there.
Judy Bachrach, a contributing editor to Vanity Fair, is the founder of thecheckoutline.org and a regular contributor to Obit, where her Ask Judy column appears Wednesday.
